Pat Oliphant for July 23, 2013

Nappy duty, dammmmit!

Name the kid “Simba”, and get Elton John to rework one of his old songs for him (like he did for Nanna Diana).

You know, I always did think the entire concept of “royalty” should’ve died out in 1776…..and of course, I mean 1776 B.C. …………..

Har! Spoken like a true Ozzie-American, Pat!

Hope they bypass granddad for the succession, as in precedent and justice they should. Edward VIII had to abdicate because he insisted on marrying a divorcee.Charles is not only married to a divorcee but is himselfdivorced. A double DQ…. Tho’ at the rate things are goinghis mother may well outlive him!

…they’re claiming the kid’s doing wonders for the economy at the moment.

It is also claimed the cost of the Royal family to the average British tax-payer is a loaf of bread annually. I’m just a humble British taxpayer, not a British citizen so my grumbling is rather limited, but I want that loaf to be the plainest, cheapest, meanest loaf on the market.

That’s pretty much the was Harper behaves. Sells the royalty like it’s the best way to keep Canada conservative; stampy about the royalty, books about the royalty, tv shows about the royalty, blames Quebec (one of his own provinces, so far) for not wanting a foreign royalty this side of the Atlantic (divide to rule). Uuuugh, embarassing.

It’s a pity that your “humble opinion” has little or no basis in fact. Only the Queen and the Heir Apparent (Prince Charles) receive any money from the Civil List, and this is money paid to the Monarch as part of an agreement made more than 100 years ago in which the Crown gave control (and massive income) from lands belonging to the Crown (not the Monarch personally) in return for an annual allowance. From this allowance, the Queen and Prince Charles employ thousands of people and support dozens of charitable foundations. I won’t even start with the huge benefits they bring in trade, business, tourism… By the way, I’m a Yank. Just one who happens to know at least SOME of the facts.

On the other hand, “diaper duty” benefits by being alliterative.

The speaker is a penguin, of course. Which term do penguins normally use?

Also, I think “those in the know” would quibble more over the term “personal butler.” A butler runs a household; a personal manservant (a “gentleman’s gentleman”) is a valet. Mr. Bates, not Mr. Carson…

Actually, my first choice of reference was P.G. Wodehouse – Jeeves is a valet, not a butler, and he’s very clear on that point; his Uncle Charlie (“Silversmith” on the job) is a butler. But I figured “Downton Abbey” would have greater currency…currently.

And with or without a pop culture reference, “personal butler” is questionable…

“…Maggie Smith, the new Queen of the double take…”

Just once, though, I’d like to see her do a good, juicy spit take.

“How the heck did that happen?”

What…?

“King of the spit take is Danny Thomas… It would be ungracious of her to unseat the King.”

So Danny Thomas did spit takes and now nobody else can do spit takes? Maggie Smith isn’t even allowed one? Let her be the Dowager Countess of Spit Takes, if nothing else. Danny Thomas has been dead for 20 years, after all, and Marlo, at least, seems to have no interest in claiming her inheritance.

Helen Mirren could probably do a spit take that is simultaneously hilarious, sexy, and deeply intimidating…