Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for March 22, 2013

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times G.O.P. Senator Experiences Hunger Embraces Social Welfare Spending Senator Rob Portman (R., Ohio) announced that he is breaking with his party and now OPPOSES so-called "entitlement reform" and cuts to spending for social welfare programs. Rob: This morning, I felt HUNGER for the first time in my life, and I now know we cannot balance the budget on the the backs of the poor and unemployed. Are you gonna finish those Fritos? Portman explained that he missed his usual breakfast corn muffin at Jack's Deli because of traffic on 395. REENACTMENT At 10:53 AM, he experienced an odd sensation in his stomach, an emptiness he couldn't explain. He asked his staff to research it. Alarmed by the results, Portman called for a press conference. HUNGER FOOD SATI This follows his policy reversals on gay marriage (on learning his son is gay) and the sequester (on learning that his gay son wants to get married at Wind Cave National Park). UPDATE By 2:00 PM, Portman reverted to his old position on social welfare spending. Rob: I don't see why the poor can't get invited to a conservative think tank luncheon. In fact, seeing all these wealthy pals, I'm back to TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH! STARVE THE BEAST!