Close to Home by John McPherson for January 02, 2013

Um, maybe because they look like a pirate?

Well, he has no idea what he looks like. Mirrors don’t last long in his house. Neither do eight day clocks.

Check out the fingernails.

Hey! I resemble that cartoon!

There’s a mate in the world for everyone (ha ha).

Even the parrot left him.

AAARGH Looks like he had a BRIEF stint as a pirate!

That’s why you trim your nails before putting your contacts in.

In the world of “Close to Home”, he’s very eligible batchelor.

Is that potatoes and toilet paper on the chair?

One word – GROSS!

I think its potato chips and empty beer cans. I agree, Gross!

Hm lets see:

1: Eye Patch2: A dentist’s worst nightmare3: A man bra4: Fat5: Very hairy

I don’t think that book even covers half of all the reasons.

…with no sense of smell

I can’t imagine why he’s still single.

Hey look! An Occupy protester!