Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for November 28, 2012

You get what you pay for.

I bet he bought them on Maxwell Street in Chicago.

4….5….6….

Oh.. THERE you are, Bev!

I was just at the Tiki, and everybody had disappeared.

Wow, that is some serious shredding!

Must be those EcoWear™ slacks they had at R.E.I. and LL Bean in 2010.

I heard they all got returned…a little too biodegradable.Probably ended up in the bargain basement at Ballard Clothing and Cheese. …From their ad in the Sunday Bugle … “We sell clothes and we sell cheese….but we don’t sell cheesy clothing….well, except in the basement.”

Pants on the ground, pants on the ground…

Anyone taking up a collection in the neighborhood? They didn’t need to see that either.

Its those new fangled paper and bamboo pants he bought at the Asian market place. Good bargains there.

I am glad Norm wasn’t going commando today.

Those pants are spot on.

They’d be good for spelunking.

Let’s hula!

hey Ess… sari ah had ta duck out lass nite… gotta merjency cawl bout a CAT fite…. Wun kitten wuz awl messed up an had to runner over to teh veterans clinik an gitter awl fu ficksed up….

oooops…. rong pikshur….

Mmmmmm…. ah smells ’nanner bred….!!!!!ms Bev musta bin werkin reel layte lass nite…!!!

nom nom nom nom nom……..

oh…. BTW… Norm now knows not ta step in between a CAT fite…!!!! Thell mess up yer britches…

I bought some shirts once that were warped. Warped! Think about that. One wearing was more than enough.

Hay everbuddy…!!!the munkys uncle Bobo is maykin a pear ants over at “Thats Priceless” tuday…!!!! (he’s doin karikaturs at teh maul)

Norm must be buying his clothes at the Bombay Boys Bargain Basement Boutique and Barbershop . Their motto is : " We clip you either way ! "

I can under stand the Sheriff and the CAT fight.Worst fight I ever got into as a Trooper was with a girl. They can get quite vicious. But a good flying tackle at speed took her out quickly. Then she cried about how I was so mean to knock her down like that. I showed her the claw marks on my arms, my crushed Trooper hat, my torn uniform shirt, the mud marks from her shoes on my pants at my manhood position when she kicked me. Three times. Never made good contact I was able to defend myself. Then the name calling, ranting, and all kinds of carrying on prior to the fight.She was upset because her dirt bag boyfriend was dating her sister. They were the red neck trailer house types typical for the area so I could not see a problem with her boyfriend doing that. He had a brother. But she got drunk and began to tear up the trailer so her drunken dad called us Police to make her stop. It just went downhill from there.Final Score.Trooper 1 Drunken Girl 0

hears a beech bawl ah did lass summer…

better showing us his legs rather than wearing loose hipped jeans that slide down and show us underwear or more from behind….

I go spelunking out in my back yard but I have to be careful not to throw my rocks toward the Irish Rover. I can get up to 15 skips sometimes….>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Correct me if I’m wrong ( my ex-wifes always did ! ) but I thought spelunking ( also called caving ) was the sport of exploring caves and caverns, whereas Stone Skimming or Stone Skipping was the art of throwing a stone with a flattened surface across a lake or other body of water in such a way as to bounce it across the water as many times as possible.I’ll be joining you for a wee dram of single malt tonight and we can discuss hitting the Irish Rover with projectiles.

I hope the appropriate music was playing as the thread unwound. Pity the underwear wasn’t more aesthetic.

If no one hears from me by tomorrow morning, it might be because I died of the shock of discovering I had the winning Power Ball Lottery Ticket ! I don’t usually buy lottery tickets but with the jackpot at $550 million tonight, I’m feeling lucky !If I win, it won’t change me a whit – except for my name and address !!!

If I win, I’ll be buying you more than just a good single malt !

Linguist…. my new best friend….possibly….I mean…. there’s a chance, right?

Oh Monkey! I love it!I can see the resemblance, whether anybody else can or not.

You did make my hair a little short… and blue (I’m not THAT old.)

But I love it anyway.

And Linda…. when I saw the painting …er photo… of course I meant photo… of Bobo, I was concerned, too, about the chain….

Couldn’t decide whether that was a ball and chain or just some object near him, coincidentally touching a satin-y border on his robes…. cos it seems to be around his sleeve as well.

I even went to Mabrndt’s links to see if I could tell in an enlarged version…. but I can’t.

Sheriff Monkeyblues must be concerned if his uncle is really in chains….after all, it could be just an act, to get sympathetic buyers.

Monkey, what say you?Is Bobo really in slavery?If so, I’m there for the protest and some fundraising!

Wow, Bev — you’ve got yourself a collector’s item here!

The Ballard Arms Hotel and Weaponry Company went out of business in 1962, after that unfortunate black powder incident in the main ballroom.

I hear it was a lovely place in its day, as long as the wind was right and you wore good earplugs.

Bev and Veteran…. right up there with the otherwise sane-looking and sometimes beautiful women who marry double murderers on death row.

“Well, he told me he didn’t do it…. and I know in my heart he’s incapable of such a thing.”

What???

WHOOOOAAAAA… LD…!!!!Hold dem hoses hoes hores horses…!!!! Uncle Bobo is teh egg sentric wun of teh fambly… he an his wife BoBette spent allotta moneys on wut ya call “alternative” clothing… ahem… ah means…. yew no… ardicals of thangs yew normaly sea in catty logs an such at teh Ballard Street Barbery Shop an Latex Supply…. Ahm thinkin’ he probly LYKES wearin them chains an things…(heck, ya shoulda scene wut BoBette wanted to wore to teh First Annyul BS Mammorial Day Alter Native Parade…? (ah had ta shut it down… teh dawgs started actin awl weerd an peepuls wuz gawkin an such…. enyways…we can still git tagether fur a big shindig… butt ah thinks taht meybe Uncle Bobo might not lyke it ifn we barge in wit chain cutters an ruinsump’n he payed gud money fur….SO LETS PARTAY YAWL…!!!!!

Jus found a pikshur of thare weddin day… everbuddy wuz jus hangin round… waitin fur teh innertainmunt ta start…(mah furst big gig akshullly)

it wuz purty hard findin a propriet weddin giffs… yew dont no weather tehy lik wips or chanes… (???)

teh rest of teh bands awl hear… (tehy herd thre wuz free drinks)now wared tehm ‘nanners go to…???

Drink speshul at teh Tiki… HAPPPY AOUR…!!!

( good night, everyone! )

We gotta tell Monkey you told me not to pay the squatters fine and that I in turned put a stop payment on the check!ummm You big old sweetiefied Hairy Monkey You…you know you wouldnt hurt a sweet old lady who voted the n.w. corner into legality, so you dont have to patrol it anymore, now would you?*looks to both sides, fully frontal and as much behind me as I can ….I see no glaring faces, simian or otherwise. I think I better haul myself over by the lighthouse and attemp to seek if not shelter, then a place where the monkey is not so well familiar with…

Oh, I missed you again, Stel…. we seem to be living on opposite sides of the clock.

Bev… s’OK about the underwear…. much as I’d love to lie about it…I have to confess that I’m no longer really up to that sort of thing.

I’ve made no bones about being middle aged… even online…

cos if anybody ever sees the real thing, I don’t want to be accused of false advertising.

That is NOT to say it’s so bad no one would choose to see it at all…Luckily, I’ve not found THAT to be true.(blush)

But one of those models I’m not.

Linda…. The Monkey is the Sheriff of ALL of Ballard County. NW, SW, even EW…. he and his deputies patrol every corner.

But he’s a very fair man … I mean monkey… that’s one reason we elected him. He listens to Stel and to me, as we’re all friends.In fact, Ballard St. is one of the friendliest places in the whole country.I don’t think you have anything to fear.

SusanSunshine said, 2 minutes ago

Linda…. The Monkey is the Sheriff of ALL of Ballard County. NW, SW, even EW…. he and his deputies patrol every corner.

But he’s a very fair man … I mean monkey… that’s one reason we elected him. He listens to Stel and to me, as we’re all friends.

In fact, Ballard St. is one of the friendliest places in the whole country.

I don’t think you have anything to fear.Thank you Susan, can you get me salon appointment?…A mannie/pedi first -The packup of the house I was squatted in ruined some nails, and I really need a haircut. I can bring you special brownies or a new invention, plutonium nail files…they never wear out! Or boring old cash…Not at 3 on Mon or Thursday though…Drs appts…

Sure Linda…. I’m still trying to catch up after being away this past weekend…But I have time for all three things at 2:17 pm on Friday or about 4:21 Saturday….. The latter would be a bit delayed if my 1:57 perm runs late…. but I have lots of magazines, and plenty of coffee…. and usually banana bread.

Ok no more to do, from my brief foray to the pay phones to confirm DRs appointment, So this prooves to me that there is evolution, so I best find a chair….I am wore out….that bench in front of Fenton looks good to me…Hi Fenton, Can I have a Bad Monkey Please? Fenton nod’s as I twirl on the stool. Reaching the bar again, I have to giggle, There are several 3 inch spider monkeys looking around, and clashing symbols together. As I bring my hands up to clap at these silly critters, I realize that the bad little monkeys are after my fingers and that those cymbals are tiny little jisg saws. I jump off my stool and haul my fanny over to the pool / billiards area and bring back a fat boy and start scraping them off toward my feet and these feet which are hopping up and down on the litlle rats as well as kicking the little critters into the fireplace. I slam the pool cue on the last living (if you can call it that) killer mouse and sit back down. There is a Bad Monkey Cocktail in front of me and I taste the necter of a hard won ambrosial drink. Its so good I order another….a double this time….all the while watching Fentons eyes and wondering what kinda joke he has to play on me next time…Seems like I am either gonna kill Fenten or take him home and marry him….sigh…

Sounds like SuSun jus about gotchew awl cawt up wit teh local lore an histry thare LD…!!! Whelcum to teh nayberhood..!!!! Yer awlreddy maykin yersef at home ah sea…!!! -—————Gud ta sea ya tunite SuSun..!!! Glad yaliked Mah paintins..!!!(Reddy fer YOUR footsrubs??);())

Ooh Monkey… I thought you’d never ask…Your turn next…

Yeah, Storm.. if the Sheriff isn’t embarrassed about his uncle, why should you try to hide.?Should I send you my catalog of… um… friendly devices available right in my salon?

Well, actually in a big locked closet… just ask.

Hay let’sdew teh flip side on “three” okey??Wun…..Too…Threeeeeee……!!!!!!

Eew.

https://cleoandcompany.net/november-28-2022/

Good morning Balladeers, (((((Plods))))) and Miss Susan.

You’re going to want to retrace your steps and retrieve your wallet and comb, Norm. Your dignity, however, is irretrievable.