I am so sorry to have just missed your posts last night. We must have been posting at the very same time, and I don’t always remember to click on REFRESH LIST.
Anyway, my opinion? Your sister was never interested in helping you out with your mom, and just looking for a way out of doing anything. “The best defense is an offense.” I think that’s the strategy she’s used here. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances were, she would have found a way to get PO’d and just write you off. And, I’m sure, in her head, she’s convinced herself that she is right in doing that. Otherwise, how could she live with herself? In my opinion, she could not handle the whole issue of caring for her mother, even for a few hours (not that she’d ever admit it). Because, if she really cared for her mother, she’d be there, regardless of her issues with you. Whether her issues with mom go way, way back or simply because mom is now no longer the person she used to be, your sister wanted out of the whole thing, and has wanted out right along…long before you made the move up there…. she made it clear that she would not be available to help out. She was too busy…Her issues with you are secondary. Her primary issue is that she cannot deal with your mom and has no interest in delving into the reasons why.
Do not waste your time and energy dealing with your sister anymore. That will sap your strength. Trust me. Morally, she is so wrong, but no one will make her do what she has no interest in doing. You need to focus on things that will help you and your mom. I’m glad to hear that you’re planning to attend the support group Wed. night. That’s a great start; to get some real help in there for you and also just getting moral support in a group of people who are dealing with the same issues as you. They may have ideas that you hadn’t thought of and you’ll be able to offer up ideas that have worked for you.