Cathy Classics by Cathy Guisewite for December 22, 1996

Transcript:

Saleswoman: What does he want for Christmas? Cathy: He wants to pretend the last ten years never happened..or if they did, that he emerged completely unscathed and unchanged. Saleswoman: Right this way. For that special '90's man on your list our "personal paranoia gift boutique"! Where he's midly self-obsessed or a full-blown neurotic hypochondriac, we have it all! Back supports...arch supports...knee supports..wrist supports...elbow supports...neck supports..heart rate monitors..blood pressure monitors..cholesterol monitors..body fat monitors..oral irrigators. Wrinkle aspirators..hair follicle massagers..skin detoxifiers..water purifiers..systems that block sub-micron-sized contaminants from any air he may try to breathe..Give a present that speaks to his deepest, most primal fears and paranoias and what will you have?? Cathy: A man who's threatened that I understand him so well. Saleswoman: If the gift has done its job, he'll be afraid to run all that fast.