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Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronistically brought such occurrences into being.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
Othello: Jealousy.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.
Hamlet: That is not the question.
SADDAMHUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
MARTINLUTHERKING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road.’’ And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
JERRYSEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILLGATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken ’98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVERSTONE: The question is not, ``Why did the chicken cross the road?‘’ Rather, it is, ``Who was crossing the road at the sametime, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?’’
PHYSICIST: Because the chicken’s momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.
QUANTUMPHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.
MATHEMATICIAN: Because of the intermediate values theorem.
ALGEBRAICGEOMETRIST: Well, consider a faithfully flat etale coherent sheaf…
C PROGRAMMER: cross_road() was called from get_other_side()
COLONELSANDERS (Famed for Kentucky Fried Chicken): I missed one?
Yoda: Cross the road, the chicken did… strong in the Force is that one.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: That is not the road you are looking for.
Stephen Colbert: The chicken, in a moment of pure truthiness, crossed the road so it could buy my new book, “America Again”!
Barack Obama: The chicken, like all Americans, hopes for a brighter future, and a better tomorrow. Michelle, Joe, and I want to give that chicken change it can believe in. I propose a law to allow all chickens to cross whatever roads they want to… if a chicken walks down the right path and is willing to keep walking, eventually it will cross the road.
Hillary Clinton: I don’t know the exact reason why the chicken crossed the road. However, I do know that it was part of a vast right-wing conspiracy
Mitt Romney: There are 47 percent of chickens who will cross the road no matter what.
Adolph Hitler: The German Uber-Chicken crossed the road for the greater glory of the Fatherland and the Thousand-Year Reich!
George Bush: To prove to everyone that they mis-underestimated it.
Rick Perry: I will tell you, there’s three agencies of the government that over-regulate chicken crossing… Commerce, Education and uhh, what’s the third one there, let’s see… I can’t… the third one I can’t… sorry. Oops.
HAL 9000: I’m sorry, Chicken, but you can’t do that.
PSY: Oppan Chicken Style
Boromir: One does not simply walk across a road…
Siri: Sorry, I don’t understand… do you want me to check the weather?
Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
Aerosmith: To get to “The Other Side”.
Costello: Who crossed the road?
Abbott: Yes.
Vito Corleone: I made it an offer it couldn’t refuse.
Rhett Butler: Frankly, I don’t give a damn.
New York City Traffic Cop: I wonder if it was jaywalking…
With a keen appreciation for puns and an off-beat sense of humor, Dana Summers creates a hilarious and bizarre new world in each panel of Bound and Gagged.
Bottomliners by Eric and Bill Teitelbaum
Break of Day by Nate Fakes
Comments (14) (Please sign in to comment)
ztuhcsna said, 4 months ago
the one by the playground
The J.A.M. said, 4 months ago
Abbey :D :D :D
Rodney said, 4 months ago
“I foresee a world in which a chicken can cross the road without it’s reasons being questioned…”
(seen on a T-shirt)
Jo Clear said, 4 months ago
I hope to see that world one day too Rodney…(funny)
win said, 4 months ago
“The Road Less Traveled” – S. Peck
battle of plattsburgh said, 4 months ago
But, WHY?
olddog1 said, 4 months ago
@battle of plattsburgh
Too far to walk around.
whmIII said, 4 months ago
@win
I take that road frequently…
mkahn said, 4 months ago
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronistically brought such occurrences into being.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
Othello: Jealousy.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.
Hamlet: That is not the question.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road.’’ And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken ’98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, ``Why did the chicken cross the road?‘’ Rather, it is, ``Who was crossing the road at the sametime, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?’’
PHYSICIST: Because the chicken’s momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.
QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.
MATHEMATICIAN: Because of the intermediate values theorem.
ALGEBRAIC GEOMETRIST: Well, consider a faithfully flat etale coherent sheaf…
C PROGRAMMER: cross_road() was called from get_other_side()
COLONEL SANDERS (Famed for Kentucky Fried Chicken): I missed one?
whmIII said, 4 months ago
@mkahn
Are you done…
AHHH, BEER wuz good said, 4 months ago
@mkahn
You forgot :
WUZ BEER said " What road ? Stop bogating the KFC dude !
Teresa said, 4 months ago
@mkahn
Well done!!!!!
Mordecai said, 4 months ago
That’s funny.
“I dream of living in a world where chickens can cross roads without there motives being questions”
-Anonymousmkahn said, 4 months ago
Yoda: Cross the road, the chicken did… strong in the Force is that one.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: That is not the road you are looking for.
Stephen Colbert: The chicken, in a moment of pure truthiness, crossed the road so it could buy my new book, “America Again”!
Barack Obama: The chicken, like all Americans, hopes for a brighter future, and a better tomorrow. Michelle, Joe, and I want to give that chicken change it can believe in. I propose a law to allow all chickens to cross whatever roads they want to… if a chicken walks down the right path and is willing to keep walking, eventually it will cross the road.
Hillary Clinton: I don’t know the exact reason why the chicken crossed the road. However, I do know that it was part of a vast right-wing conspiracy
Mitt Romney: There are 47 percent of chickens who will cross the road no matter what.
Adolph Hitler: The German Uber-Chicken crossed the road for the greater glory of the Fatherland and the Thousand-Year Reich!
George Bush: To prove to everyone that they mis-underestimated it.
Rick Perry: I will tell you, there’s three agencies of the government that over-regulate chicken crossing… Commerce, Education and uhh, what’s the third one there, let’s see… I can’t… the third one I can’t… sorry. Oops.
HAL 9000: I’m sorry, Chicken, but you can’t do that.
PSY: Oppan Chicken Style
Boromir: One does not simply walk across a road…
Siri: Sorry, I don’t understand… do you want me to check the weather?
Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
Aerosmith: To get to “The Other Side”.
Costello: Who crossed the road?
Abbott: Yes.
Vito Corleone: I made it an offer it couldn’t refuse.
Rhett Butler: Frankly, I don’t give a damn.
New York City Traffic Cop: I wonder if it was jaywalking…