Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer

Basic InstructionsNo Zoom

Comments (13) (Please sign in to comment)

  1. Ryan (Say what now‽)

    Ryan (Say what now‽) GoComics PRO Member said, over 1 year ago

    All that sugar has gone to his head. (ha – terrible customer)

  2. Mark

    Mark said, over 1 year ago

    That first panel is pure genius.

  3. ekw

    ekw said, over 1 year ago

    I like the 2nd panel where he offers his reason when asked if his request was reasonable.

  4. J. Short

    J. Short GoComics PRO Member said, over 1 year ago

    Cop I to CopII: Don’t let this guy slip away….I told you…dang…butterfingers!

  5. CAtransplant

    CAtransplant said, over 1 year ago

    This is easily one of my favorite strips.

  6. PoodleGroomer

    PoodleGroomer said, over 1 year ago

    @J. Short

    Even dry cleaning won’t get that stain out of a uniform or car seat. Taser him and call an ambulance.

  7. Midsouth Dave

    Midsouth Dave said, over 1 year ago

    Panel one was so funny, it could have been a stand alone comic.

  8. Enoki

    Enoki said, over 1 year ago

    By panel four Scott should have stopped talking and started backing away…

  9. Coyoty

    Coyoty GoComics PRO Member said, over 1 year ago

    I didn’t think he could get any oilier.

  10. The Wolf In Your Midst

    The Wolf In Your Midst said, over 1 year ago

    Gather ‘round, kids; it’s time for a story from that wolf in your midst!
    .
    I spent ten years of my life working in retail, for a certain major pet-supply chain that also sells small animals, such as fish. And one day, while I was running a register, a guy came up with a cart full of stuff- including a fish. Now, the fish we sold were put in a bag with oxygenated air to help them survive the trip home, but our general rule was that they not be kept in the bag more than an hour to avoid the risk of suffocation.
    .
    Well, the guy managed to forget his credit card and had to go home and get it, and asked that we keep his stuff aside for when he got back, which was easy enough. I asked him if he’d like us to put the fish in one of our reserve tanks in the back and re-bag it, but he insisted that he’d be back in plenty of time and to leave the fish in the cart.
    .
    Well, an hour and fifteen minutes after he left (without so much as a call from him), I told one of the people working in the fish department to go ahead and take the fish back to the reserve tanks so it wouldn’t suffocate in the bag. When the guy returned forty-five minutes after THAT to buy what he’d left, I told him what had happened- and he EXPLODED at me, literally screaming at me at the top of his lungs that he’d told me to leave the fish in the bag and that’s what I should have done… and when told that the fish likely would’ve died in the bag, he literally said “I don’t care”. Naturally he went to another register to re-ring all of his stuff, but that didn’t prevent him from cursing me out over his shoulder the entire time.
    .
    tl;dr version: Customers are imbeciles, and retail employment would’ve made a misanthrope out of Gandhi.

  11. DocNuke

    DocNuke said, over 1 year ago

    @The Wolf In Your Midst

    I put in six years behind a register myself during my early working days. I always feel sorry for the poor clerk when I see some unreasonable moron in line acting like they should be given the world. When my turn comes, I’ll usually start with “Hope this makes your day better, I have a simple transaction with no problems at all.”

  12. Greg Emby

    Greg Emby said, over 1 year ago

    With all that buttery oil – he’s lucky he wasn’t as"salt"ed.

  13. I Play One On TV

    I Play One On TV said, over 1 year ago

    @The Wolf In Your Midst

    Another interesting story: I had a patient referred to me with a fairly rare corneal condition (which is not well-treated with glasses) that had been complicated with terrible contact lens fitting. I re-fit the lenses and the patient was happy, and her eyes were safe. Although the contact lenses were accepted by her insurance company as being medically necessary, they evidently weren’t necessary enough to make it worth their while to pay for them or my services.

    So we billed the patient, as at that time we had spent more on her contact lenses than she had. We sent bills for months with no response. Until she broke one (this condition requires hard contact lenses). She wanted a replacement; by now, the Rx had expired, and she still had a significant unpaid balance. We refused. We then received requests for her previous records from a number of other docs in town, and we let each one know that until her balance was paid, we would not forward any records (which is legal). She came to our office and demanded information (keep in mind that every one of those doctors, if they had the desire and the skill, could have done what I had done without any of my notes, but either they didn’t have the knowledge, skill, and/or desire). The same stuff, back and forth, while patients stared in disbelief. Finally, she stormed out, saying the phrase that always gets you what you want: “F… You!”

    My tech’s response: “I accept your apology.” (Thank you, Stephen Colbert.)

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