Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer
- January 15, 2009
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Tags: national geographic, factoids, conversation, penises, awkward. Add Tags

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Tags: national geographic, factoids, conversation, penises, awkward. Add Tags
Basic Instructions started out as a small side-feature Scott Meyer created to entertain people who came to his website looking to hire a comedian. It wasn't long before the comic was far more popular than anything Scott ever did as a comedian.
Basic Instructions is a series of guides meant to help you lead a better life. They cover topics as diverse as "How to Deal with Boredom" and "How to Travel Back in Time to Deliver a Dire Warning to Your Former Self". Basic Instructions is populated with exaggerated versions of Scott, his family and his friends, which has caused no small amount of unpleasantness.
Read the Basic Instructions blog
Questions or comments? E-mail the author.
© 2009 Scott Meyer - All Rights Reserved.
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Comments (16) Jump to Comments Form
Hugh B. Hayve said, 10 months ago
Geez, I don’t even wanna know about the research involved in that book. Scott’s boss sure is one weird dude.
Orgelspieler said, 10 months ago
Plagiarism! I used that title for my dissertation!
eln said, 10 months ago
The exchange about Tesla in the first panel is classic.
cleokaya
said,
10 months ago
Did you know that over half the human population doesn’t have a penis?
cleokaya
said,
10 months ago
Do you know that it’s believed that only the human population suffers from bleeep envy?
Orgelspieler said, 10 months ago
Did you know it only gets “bleeeped” if you embarrass the comics.com editors by calling attention to their own psychoses?
CosmoMemory said, 10 months ago
I’m not sure which makes me laugh more, the comic, or the comments attached to it..
Orgelspieler said, 10 months ago
Try as I might, I simply cannot imagine anyone I know actually standing up on his or her hind legs and saying right out loud, “We’d rather not talk about duck penises.” Maybe I just don’t know the right crowd.
1N10 said, 10 months ago
I had a biology teacher in college that argued women had an incomplete developed penis. Its testicles, they don’t have. I always saw it as a little man in a canoe.
cleokaya
said,
10 months ago
I am truly amazed!!! My first experience at being bleeped. And for using a word that was used over and over again in the strip. GO FIGURE.
motivemagus said, 10 months ago
1N10 - actually, in fetal development both sexes have the same organs - in women, the organs migrate upward to become the ovaries; in men, downward to become the testicles. The word-that-shall-be-bleeped corresponds to the woman’s clitoris.
3Xp4t said, 10 months ago
”Yes, and nothing can change that.”
Have you tried a few gallons of Chlorox, followed by an ammonia enema ..?
1N10 said, 10 months ago
And to think Scott, you made fun of my book and inferred that I could not use a factoid properly! Nana nana boo boo to you!!!
Geekologist said, 10 months ago
How’d he find out that cat’s penises have little barbs on them? Or that ducks have penises at all? Just hope he wasn’t involved with the research…
TheWildSow said, 10 months ago
Sorry, Scott – there are already LOTS of books and articles, both scholarly and popular, on that very subject.
“Wild Wangs” is a great title though :-)
Kyler said, 9 months ago
Lmao! The second panel cracked me up!